Week 4 Writing: Cross Country Race WALT: analyse my writing using the rubrics to assess and score my writing SUCCESS CRITERIA: I know I will be successful when I can Know what level I will use identify the different elements and show what they are in my writing by highlighting these examples comment on what I have achieved comment on my next learning

Indicators	My Writing - Cross Country	My thoughts
Ideas 6	Cross Country. On your mark get set GO!!! I ran as fast as my skinny little feet could carry me. Then I slowed down waiting for the others to go past me, Meanwhile later I heard someone say my name TUMANAKO!!! So I stopped and waited for this person to come past and yet I was waiting for know one because that person was already in the the front of me running with the others. I tried to catch up to the other runners so that I wouldn’t be the last one to the finish line but they were just coming out of the water and I was heading up the hill KOHUROA I said out loud running as fast as I could to catch up to her. Then I started slowing down again but this time it was my stomach it  was twisting and turning and I couldn’t do anything so I started crying. Parehuia stopped me and took me to Whaea Meri, at that time Whaea Meri got another adult to help her put me into Whaea Gaylene’s car. On our way back to the school we were talking about what was going to happen when I got out of the car, Meanwhile later I was waiting in the office for my nana to come and pick me up but she never came, so my teacher dropped me off at home. My day of cross country was the worst.	I have put in one idea and elaborated on it to make my story sound better.
Structure and Language 5		I have highlighted just the parts that are important by showing and not telling.
Organisation 5		My paragraphs support the development of the text. Topic sentences and linking words are present and appropriate.
Vocabulary 5		I will need to include technical words about my writing. I have used a phrased about what my stomach was doing.
Sentence Structure 5		Most of my sentences are correct. My sentences show variety in structure, length and type and have extended phrases.
Punctuation 5		I could put more punctuation in my writing to catch the reader's attention.
Spelling
Total - 31

List 3 things that you think you did well in this text. (not punctuation or capital letters or spelling)

1 I have done very well in my vocabulary.

2 I also done well with my sentence structuring.  Then, but and put

3 I have done well by putting in my idea’s.

What do you need to work on to improve my writing?

I need to use  variety of punctuation and use correct tenses.